1. Former box office star turned reality television hero.

Steven Seagal: Lawman on A&E. I’ve never seen so many people thrilled to be arrested before in my life. This show is awesome!

2. Possible career resurrection through connection to Quentin Tarantino.

He’s cast in the feature-length version of MACHETE from Robert Rodriguez, produced by Quentin Tarantino. This picture looks like an attempt at a two-for-one career save, as Lindsay Lohan is on the cast list as well.

3. Sex scandal with a lipstick lesbian.

Accused of sexual assault by a personal assistant who answered a job posting on Craigslist.

A former model accused actor Steven Seagal of using her as his “sex toy” after she was hired to be his assistant, a lawsuit filed this week said. – via CNN.com

The best part is the accuser was last seen on an episode of the Tyra Banks show where she claimed:

“I can use my sex appeal to get any girl that I want and trick any guy to getting what I want.” – via TMZ

I don’t care what anyone says, Steven Seagal is not just a cook.