At the dawn of human civilization, there was this guy who hunted giant cartoon mastodons, was chased by prehistoric man-eating ostriches, and totally fucked up this pyramid. He did this because some other guys kidnapped his girlfriend…and the guy who owned the pyramid made everybody think he was a god or something…a disembodied Omar Sharif kept talking every now and then…
Okay, this movie is stupid, even for a premise that abandons at the first frame any thought of possibly trying to be somewhat in the neighborhood of historically accurate. Even worse, it is boring. Mind-numbingly boring. Somehow, a movie that has computer generated mastodons, saber-toothed tigers, and killer ostriches is so dull it makes you pine for an auto accident-induced coma. Who would have figured that the creative genius behind Independence Day and Eight Legged Freaks was Dean Devlin? For shame, Roland Emmerich. For shame. (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.
Yes! New commentary. Now I gotta go out and rent the movie. Thank you for being the funniest comedy group of all time.
Omar Sharif? Star of the greatest movie of all time, DR. ZHIVAGO, slumming it?
Flashbacks of the almost-brilliant THE 13TH WARRIOR, there.
Todd’s gonna be on BONES?
Nice one. If you’re in a position to smell Emily Deschanel let us know what she smells like.
I bet she smells intoxicating.
Also suggest to Emily that it is a crime that her sister has not yet had a role on the show yet.
Wish me love a wishing well— Kiss and tell— A wishing well of mastodon tears!
“I have entertainment scurvy. I’m going to chase my cat around.”
Worth watching this entire sucky movie for that line alone.