Good Lord, where to start on this one? The Wolfman is a big-budget remake of a classic horror film that incorporates all of the slow, clunky nonsense of the original and adds a tired Anthony Hopkins, a strangely non-compelling Benicio Del Toro, that computer-elf guy from them nerd movies, and Emily Blunt’s sideboob. The end result is not quite the “magic” you’d expect.

The most fascinating part of The Wolfman, if you can manage to keep yourself awake by repeatedly stabbing yourself in the thigh with an icepick, is Del Toro’s crazy choice of acting like he’s covered in syrup. Syrup that’s laced with horse tranquilizers. He buries his normal high-intensity so deeply, that when he finally turns into the wolfman…well, you’ve already fallen asleep and will miss all the Act III gore.

IMPORTANT NOTE: The Film Pigs watched the Unrated Director’s Cut from the Blu-ray disc for this commentary. No, we don’t know why.

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.