Tag Archives: Horror
Commentary #13 – Silent Hill (2006)
What Halloween would be complete without an awkward video-game-to-movie translation? Watch in horror as a concerned mother deals with her child’s terrible nightmares about a town called “Silent Hill” by putting her daughter in the car and maniacally crashing it into a town called “Silent Hill.” For some reason, this makes the child run away from her mother, seeking comfort from the town’s compliment of shambling ash babies. 2 hour movie. 20 minute expository ending. 5 minutes of good gore. 1 Strippercop. PLUS, guest commentator Pamela Ribon delays a very important phone call to join us in anticipation of Scary Cakes! (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.
Commentary #12 – Hostel (2005)
Ah, scenic Europe. The Old World charm, the cultural sophistication, the endless barrage of titty and gore. Truly, this is a Very Important Movie with a Timeless Message. That message: everyone in Europe wants to brutally murder anybody under 30 who’s wearing a backpack. They’re especially interested in poorly drawn characters of 2-dimensions or less who have wasted about 40 minutes on “character development” (meaning, lots of ‘what the?’ reactions to bare breasts and calling everything else ‘gay’) before the first drop of blood is seen. (IMDb)
SPECIAL NOTE: This commentary is for the Unrated Widescreen Cut DVD. According to the DVD jacket – “SickER and MORE Twisted Unrated”. TV’s Daniel Blau guest-comments and enjoys pizza rolls fresh from the oven!
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.
Commentary #7 – Saw (2004)
For a movie called “Saw,” there is an alarming lack of “sawing” – of arms, legs, heads, wooden planks, trees, anything. However, there is plenty of terrifying acting from Carey Elwwwwwwes, who spends most of the movie in a life-or-death struggle with his accent. Plus, there is the obligatory pointless twist ending that paves the way for “Saw II,” which will hopefully deliver on the gore “Saw” only teases us with. (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.
Commentary #2 – The Grudge (2004)
When someone dies in a state of rage, a grudge is born. When the Film Pigs are forced to watch a PG-13 horror movie, aggravation is born. (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.