Tag Archives: Gore

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Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #6: John Carpenter’s The Thing (Blu-ray)

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What it says on the back of the plastic, environmentally irresponsible packaging:

Horror-meister John Carpenter (Halloween, Escape From New York) teams Kurt Russell’s outstanding performance with incredible visuals to build this chilling version of the classic The Thing. In the winter of 1982, a twelve-man research team at a remote Antartic research station discovers an alien buried in the snow for over 100,000 years. Once unfrozen, the form-changing alien wreaks havoc, creates terror, and becomes one of them.

What it should say: Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #6: John Carpenter’s The Thing (Blu-ray) →

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Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Wrong Turn 2

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I wasn’t a big fan of the original theatrical release, Wrong Turn. It was okay, I suppose, just a silly rip-off of Texas Chainsaw Massacre that was trying to be as disturbing as that classic, but the inbred mountain folk terrorizing the bland pretties had some rather silly looking prosthetic make-ups and made lots of noises that sounded like seventh-graders making fun of people with Down Syndrome.  Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Wrong Turn 2 →

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Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer

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What it says on the back of the DVD:

Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla) stars as Kable, condemned criminal and globally famous super-soldier in the ultimate multiplayer game, “Slayers.” Human controllers direct each though and move of real-life prison inmates battling in hyper-intense environments–where the goal is freedom and the penalty is death. But when Kable suddenly decides he wants out, his rebellion threates the twisted plans of game creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, TV’s “Dexter”), who will stop at nothing to crush the renegade commando in this taut, adrenaline-packed action-thriller. Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer →

Movie Commentaries

Commentary #28 – Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

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poster_silentnightdeadlynightIt’s a Christmas Miracle! The Film Pigs return to make everyone’s holiday season a little brighter. And what better way to celebrate the Christian / Jewish / Muslim / Pagan / Pastafarian season than with a movie about a homicidal Santa Claus? Answer: THERE IS NO BETTER WAY!

Silent Night, Deadly Night takes us back to a simpler time, when ghostbusting was king and traversing the space-time continuum in modified DeLoreans was commonplace. In the early 80s, no one thought twice about a dusty old nun whipping two naked teenagers with a leather belt, or of wearing cheap sweaters with no undershirts or bras. We were too busy fighting Communism when, in retrospect, we should have been paying more attention to drunken, murderous Santa Clauses. Happy holidays!

TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.

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Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Happy Belated Halloween

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I am pleased to report that I have unearthed another fun straight-to-video horror experience in Trick ‘r Treat, a feature that did well at fantasy film festivals all over the world, and then sat on a shelf for years waiting for a Halloween when the latest Saw did not rear its ugly head (I can only assume.)  It’s an anthology, easily the best of its kind since the orginal Creepshow, and features some pretty fantastic performances from a number of recognizable television faces and veteran character cats from the big screen, including a darkly hilarious turn from none other than Brian Cox (who is awesome because his last name is Cox.)  Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Happy Belated Halloween →