Tag Archives: Comedy
Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: It’s So Disgusting!
Okay, perhaps movies that seek purely to make you sick to your stomach are abusing our whole “right to free speech” thing, but dammit if I’m not happier than a pig in putrid, bloody, pus-filled dung that they are around. This past weekend, I sat down with some friends to do a double feature of Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever and its DTV sequel, Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever. To be honest, when I first saw Roth’s original in the theater I was disappointed…but I’ll give it this: it holds up. I was still disappointed with it. However, after you wade through an hour long swamp of underdeveloped characters yammering at each other, the last twenty minutes of the picture are a lot of fun. Cabin Fever 2: Spring Fever takes that last twenty minutes and turns into eighty minutes of pure disgustingness. And this is a good thing. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: It’s So Disgusting!
Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer
What it says on the back of the DVD:
Gerard Butler (300, RocknRolla) stars as Kable, condemned criminal and globally famous super-soldier in the ultimate multiplayer game, “Slayers.” Human controllers direct each though and move of real-life prison inmates battling in hyper-intense environments–where the goal is freedom and the penalty is death. But when Kable suddenly decides he wants out, his rebellion threates the twisted plans of game creator Ken Castle (Michael C. Hall, TV’s “Dexter”), who will stop at nothing to crush the renegade commando in this taut, adrenaline-packed action-thriller. Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #4: Gamer
Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Alien Raiders
Okay, for Christmas this year I’ve found a little alien creature feature that should satiate anyone like me who has an undending hunger for this particular subgenre. And yes, the movie’s concept is as generic as the title, and it adds nothing new to all the stories it rips off. However, its producers and director clearly understood the limits of their budget and managed to pull off a totally entertaining little B-picture that looks pretty good and is well acted. Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: Alien Raiders
Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #2: Syriana
What the back of the DVD says:
Big oil means big money. Very big money. And that fact unleashes corruption that stretches from Houston to Washington to the Mideast – and ensnares industrialists, princes, spies, politicos, oilfield laborers and terrorists in a deadly, deceptive web of move and countermove.
Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #1: Max Payne
What it says on the back of the DVD:
- Mark Wahlberg delivers an explosive performance in this action-packed thriller based on the legendary, hard-hitting video game.
- Max Payne (Wahlberg) is a maverick cop with little regard for rules and nothing left to lose. Hell-bent on revenge, he’s determined to track down those responsible for the brutal murder of his family, but his obsessive investigation takes him on a nightmarish journey where dark fantasy collides with stark reality.
- As the mystery deepens, Max is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world…and face an unthinkable betrayal that will drive him to the edge of his own sanity.
- This edition includes both the theatrical version and harder-hitting unrated extended cut of the film.
What it should read:
- Mark Wahlberg delivers a lazy but adequate performance in this snow flurry-packed moving picture based on an all but forgotten video game.
- Max Payne (Marky-Mark) is a cop cliche with little regard for rules, nothing left to lose, too close to the case, blah, blah, blah, cop, blah. Contractually obligated to collect the paycheck, he makes one determined expression that doesn’t let up while he tracks down those responsible for the brutal murder of his underwritten family, but his color-by-numbers investigation takes him on a nightmarish journey where visuals that look like a sequel to Constantine collide with plot devices lifted from Jacob’s Ladder.
- As the movie continues, Max is forced to battle enemies beyond the natural world, and by that we mean the computer generated world…and face an unthinkable betrayal (which you most likely will have thought about the minute you saw Beau Bridges for the first time) that will drive him to the edge of his own sanity but you still won’t see any difference in his expression.
- This edition includes both the theatrical version and the unrated version which contains three more minutes that you won’t notice because the movie was shot to get the PG-13 rating and that’s all it will ever be.