What it says on the back of the plastic case:
After a one-woman assault on the Umbrella Corporation’s fortress, Alice’s (Milla Jovovich) superhuman abilities are neutralized. Now fleeing the Undead masses created by the T-virus, Alice reunites with Claire Redfield (Ali Larter) and her brother, Chris (Wentworth Miller). Continue reading Rewriting DVD Marketing Blurbs #9: Resident Evil: Afterlife
Happy New Year, Pig Folk!
It’s been awhile since I stumbled on an amusing straight-to-video horror picture, but I dare say I found one. If you are the overly aware horror geek that I am, then you now a lot of Internet critics have shit on this little picture. What they were expecting, I have no idea. Here’s what it is: a low-budget monster movie set on an oil rig. The actors are pretty game, although often seem a bit green as far as their craft is concerned, but that doesn’t matter. The story runs in circles a bit through much of the movie, I guess because when you only have so much money you’ve got to stretch out time between monster mayhem in order to reach feature running time, but again this doesn’t matter. And their “name” actor is William Forsythe, who has always been one of my faves, but maybe he’s phoning it in just a little bit on this one (guess what? Doesn’t matter.) All these elements are nothing to complain about, given what kind of picture it is, but the critics make it seem like it is just another SyFy Channel saturday night premiere when it is heads and tails above anything that channel has ever boasted. Here’s why: Continue reading Straight-to-DVD Corner with Tonn Slingdog: The Rig
The second in our Holiday Season 2010 double-feature, Retardead is a more-or-less sequel to Monsturd. The mad scientist who created the poo creature from the first movie is back, this time injecting mentally challenged people with a serum that eventually turns them into zombies. Again, as far as gross/offensive premises are concerned, this is right on the money.
Unfortunately, the same issues from Monsturd remain: the ultra-low budget home movie style is made unwatchable by the entire production winking at the audience and itself in every scene. Retardead is also longer than Monsturd, which doesn’t help. The Film Pigs were pretty cranky by this point and in a much less forgiving mood. Which is the exact opposite of how you’re supposed to behave during the holidays. Maybe we ate too much Monkey Bread.
NETFLIX ALERT!
This commentary was recorded while watching Retardead on Netflix. All instructions for syncing to the movie are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.
The Good News: In the spirit of the holiday season, the Film Pigs bring you TWO commentaries! Overcome with the joy and love that accompanies the annual celebration of rampant consumerism (and Jesus!), we felt the need to give something back out of the simple kindness of our hearts.
The Bad News: The two movies we watched are terrible and we’re complete assholes about both of them.
Monsturd tells the tale of an escaped convict who gets covered in mad scientist goo that turns him into a giant dookie creature. Okay, fine. We were on board with the premise. The problem is that both of these movies (Monsturd and its sequel, RetarDEAD) are essentially home movies that are a little too pleased with themselves to be much fun for the audience. Kind of like Film Pigs commentaries.
Also give a listen to our commentary for RetarDEAD!
NETFLIX ALERT!
This commentary was recorded while watching Monsturd on Netflix. As this is a first for the Film Pigs, there is a different procedure for syncing the commentary to the movie. All instructions are in the commentary, so give a listen and follow the crystal clear steps for maximum holiday cheer.
