Commentary #19 – Transformers (2007)
Normally this would be where we make fun of the movie’s tagline – something like “Transformers: Their War. Our World. Complete Waste Of Your Time.” – but holy f*ck, this thing is so dull it saps strength even after its running time concludes. Somehow, a movie has been made about giant robots covered in sharp spinning objects that turn into cars and jets and back into robots while they’re fighting that’s about as compelling as changing your cell phone’s battery. It’s the mechanical-man-in-conflict version of Paul Haggis’ “Crash” – but with more believable commentary on race relations and road safety. Michael Bay has finally succeeded in stripping the very last shred of humanity from his films, perhaps hoping that his robotic overlords will finally let him leave planet earth. Which, apparently, is a pretty cool place to “kick it.” (IMDb)
BONUS: For the first time ever, the Film Pigs screw up the DVD playback and ruin the commentary!
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie (chapter 1 for DVD/BD).
Review – Saw IV (2007)
Commentary #18 – The Reaping (2007)
Having secured the coveted early spring release window, one would have thought 2007’s The Reaping would have become an instant classic. I mean, you’ve got a gritty biblical horror starring Academy-award winning actress Hilary Swank who last wowed audiences in 2004’s “The Bourne Supremacy” – what could go wrong? One thing is for sure: if you travel to a small southern town to debunk biblical plagues, stay away from the mumbly Liam Neeson-Elvis guy and all small blonde girls who are probably possessed by the devil. Or just have really bad ADD or something. What hath God wrought? Boredom. (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.
Review – We Own The Night (2007)
Commentary #17 – Torque (2004)
Combining the subtle nuances of “The Fast And The Furious” with the drum-tight structure of “Timerider”, Torque feels much longer than it’s running time of 84 minutes. Some people might consider that quality filmmaking – others might use it to interrorgate enemy combatants in secret prisons. Either way, Torque’s timeless message is clear: motorcycles are, like, cool and stuff! Radical! (IMDb)
TO SYNC WITH MOVIE: Start this commentary 10 seconds after starting movie.