Monthly Archives: September 2008

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Straight-to-DVD Corner with Todd: Botched…Again!

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I’m sort of surprised at how much luck I’m having with straight-to-video horror DVD’s lately.  Generally, I’ve got to wade through four or five awful ones before I get to a decent one, but lately the ratio has been much better.  The Cottage, a British horror-comedy starring Andy Serkis, is a tightly constructed and hilarious take on the slasher genre.  I suppose it was Shaun of the Dead that ushered in a new wave of British horror-comedy, and while that was the only one to get a theatrical release Stateside, the rest of ’em are nothing to scoff at (check out the corporate retreat slasher comedy Severance as well, you’re guaranteed a good time if horror-comedy is your thing.) 

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Tonn “Sling-dog” Anderson in BONES

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I will appear in a scene of this week’s episode of “Bones” if anyone is interested.  (Assuming they didn’t cut out the scene, of course.  Or reshoot it with someone else.  Or decide that my performance destroyed the entire episode, and they’re going to just replace it with one of those hilarious blooper shows they do.)

All of my love, all of my kisses, you don’t know what you’ve been missin’. Todd.

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Straight-to-DVD Corner with Todd: Zombie Sequel Exception

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As I believe I mentioned on one of the last Straight-to-DVD Corner posts, the straight-to-video sequels of theatrical releases (such as The Butterfly Effect 2, Urban Legends: Bloody Mary, and I’ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer) are never as much fun as the franchises from which they were born (and I realize that the originals of the sequels I just listed were not particularly fantastic, but all were fun for what they were.  So leave me alone about it.  Seriously.  Get off my back.)  But I’ll be a monkey’s uncle if I didn’t find an exception to my little rule (not that I’m saying anything bad about monkeys, I would consider myself lucky to be the uncle of any sort of primate, except maybe the baboon because those guys seem particularly dangerous.)

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Straight-to-DVD Corner with Todd: Too Good For DVD

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When it comes to shit that gets dumped on video, most of the time you can see why.  If it’s action, you’ve got your Seagal movies, Snipes movies, Van Damme movies, and those odd Jason Statham movies that come out in between his theatrical releases.  All are junk.  (The Seagal movies are a great source of guilty pleasure because each one is a greater trainwreck than the last one…trainwrecks beyond imagination.)  And then you’ve got your thrillers with Morgan Freeman or Christian Slater or even Gene Hackman these days.  It’s always clear why they are not in the theater, usually because their plot lines are indecipherable and the movies are just plain boring (even more so than the boring shit they actually do release in the theater) or, you know, it’s because they star Christian Slater.  As far as I can tell, the only genre that provides little gems in the straight-to-video market is the horror genre.  It’s tricky to navigate, of course, because there are also more unwatchable DIY movies in the horror genre than any other. 

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Straight-to-DVD Corner With Todd: Scary Lady Parts!

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Here’s a delectable “B” exploitation double feature for you: Trapped Ashes and Teeth.  Both feature female erogenous zones that hunger for human blood.  That’s right!  Even now, in a porn riddled world, sex is still terrifying!  And the most terrifying parts of sex are breasts and the vagina!  No, really!  Gross and horrifying!  Ewwwwww!  Vagina!

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