This one got killed by YouTube, probably a copyright violation for that Jane’s Addiction song we used to use.
Monthly Archives: July 2008
Porn Movies From TV Shows That Require No Title Changes
Two And A Half Men
The Big Bang Theory
How I Met Your Mother
Brothers And Sisters
Lost (In Your Vagina)
(Yes, we have been drinking after seeing The Dark Knight)
Dark Knight Review Is Forthcoming
I’m using the iPhone WordPress app and Falk is giving me shit because I can’t figure out how to add a photo to this post.
Kingsley Spit
I’m writing this on my iPhone via the new WordPress app. Pretty killer. Though it’s tough to write on this tiny screen with my giant Shaq hands, I’d much rather be staring at this screen than one showing the smug and snoozy indie The Wackness. It’s about a high school senior in Manhattan in 1994 and tells the story of the poor Upper East Side kid feeling sad because he can’t get laid, his parents are fighting, and his underbite keeps getting in the way of his garbled whiteboy Yo slang. He spends his time hanging with two older guys with terrible fake accents and a serious predilliction for chewing scenery, Method Man and Ghandi. Ghandi is also his shrink who smokes pot when mumble-over-acting because he has no idea why his character is in the film gets too tiring. Then he gets back at his Famke Jamke wife for being a catatonic chain-smoker by making out with one of the Olsen twins. The kid hooks up with Ghandi’s giant tedious slut-monster of a stepdaughter who naturally ends up hurting his feelings. She also gets to explain the title, telling Kid that while she sees the “dopeness” in the world, he just sees the “wackness.” If you don’t now want to punch this girl in the vag, be my guest and go see the flick.
Pick Your Computer Generated Poison
My friend told me she fell asleep during Hellboy II which led me to believe I’d hate it, too, but I went anyway because that’s just how much I like Ron Perlman. I was pleasantly surprised to find I was actually entertained by the CGI heavy picture show. I wondered why it was my friend fell asleep. Then I remembered that she had gotten a kick out of Iron Man and that one put me to sleep. Both movies lean on cartoons and loud noises to deliver their thrills. And even though I was amused by Hellboy II I can’t say I was so swept up by the action that I forgot where I was. I was very aware that I was a watching a big, silly summer movie the entire time I was watching it. So, why didn’t it put me to sleep? Well, I think it just boils down to a taste thing. While most of America seems to get off on watching a rich dude building a metal suit, I prefer watching monsters beating up other monsters. In the end, it’s all the cinematic equivelant of a cheap beer buzz. Sometimes you’re in the mood for cheap beer and you have a laugh, other times it just makes you tired as hell. Continue reading Pick Your Computer Generated Poison
An Open Love Letter To Pete and Laxdude
Dearest Pete and Laxdude,
Forgive the time it’s taken me to write this heartfelt love letter that Stephen Falk promised I would write to anyone who watched all of Bratz (right after he threw a tantrum that would have embarrassed my actual two-year-old.) I have been quite busy not making any money.
It’s Pigs fans like you that make it all worthwhile. Pete, your dedication to listening to our drunken ramblings during mostly horrid picture shows warms my cockles. (Not a dirty word. Look it up. Freak.) And Laxdude, your love of pie and the guy who played the station manager in the indie feature Buttleman along with your dislike of Lunchables makes us kindred spirits (although I find all three forms of Battlestar Galactica’s incredibly long stretches without space battles eternally frustrating, I have no idea what the difference is between union and league rugby, and I find it disconcerting that you paid money to see Hot Rod. But, still. Kindred spirits.) Continue reading An Open Love Letter To Pete and Laxdude